Answer Softly
Pastor Don Carpenter
Soul Winning: So Much More Than Evangelism / Anger / Proverbs 15:1–2
While church planting in Washington State, I worked as a Transitional Housing Coordinator with Inland Counseling Center, a Mental Health Provider. It was a wonderful place to work because they not only gave me a chance to reach a very needy population, they also were a teaching facility for those pursuing their Masters of Social Work Degree. We were constantly learning the newest and latest techniques in the Mental Health counseling field.
Every once and a while, a staff member would be spotlighted for doing something right so that others can learn from it. One Wednesday staff meeting I was surprised to find myself in that spotlight. Apparently a Nurse was listening outside my closed door as I was counseling with an angry client with a history of physical violence. You see he was getting real loud and on the edge of a temper tantrum because I would not give him more money than was in his budget. He had a history of drug abuse. I met his aggressive and violent voice with a calm and tender answer. Soon his speech matched mine and the situation was under control.
“Where did you learn Pace and Lead?” the nurse asked. I explained that it was not a new technique, it was Proverbs 15.1-2 that I was implementing. The entire staff learned that day that what was just being discovered, God had told us about in the Bible thousands of years ago. It is a profound thing to learn to Answer Softly.
Today is our fourth lesson on Soul Winning. Remember, to win a soul is to capture a mind and heart and grab hold of it. The Bible tells us that when a righteous person does so for righteous purposes, it is a demonstration of wisdom.
Proverbs 11:30 KJV
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; And he that winneth souls is wise.
We learned that the evidence of righteous motivation is seen not in an external check list of appearance standards arbitrarily made up but rather a Biblical list of character traits that will accompany righteous wisdom.
James 3:17–18 KJV
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
We went on to learn that to win a soul we needed to always speak graciously – with unmerited favor. We also needed to add a little salt to make one thirsty for the truth.
Colossians 4:5–6 KJV
Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.
Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
Last week we learned that not only do we need to be gracious in our speech when dealing with outsiders, but we need to teach with gentle meekness when addressing believers who have lost their way.
2 Timothy 2:23–26 KJV
But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.
Tonight we will address how to respond when things get heated. We will see that when we face an increasing volume and rising anger, we must be disciplined to Answer Softly.
A Soft Answer Puts Wrath In Reverse
Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
A soft answer turneth away wrath…
A soft answer turns away wrath: Soft in relation to speech means “gentle,” “kind,” or, as reb says, “mild.” It is a response without anger or harshness. The importance of kindness and respect in the use of speech is expressed again in 24:26 and 25:15.1
1 Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (pp. 326–328). United Bible Societies
J Vernon McGee makes the following observation:
I’m sure that the people who come to your mind at this proverb are Abigail and Nabal. We have seen several proverbs that are applicable to them. Abigail was the beautiful, lovely wife and woman. Nabal, her husband, was the fool but a very rich man. Someone has written a book called “Beauty and the Beast,” and it is the story of Nabal and Abigail—Abigail is the beauty and Nabal is the beast. You will recall that when Abigail heard that her husband had sent an insulting answer to David, who had in kindness and consideration taken care of his flocks, she hurriedly ordered the servants to gather a great deal of food for David. Then she went to meet David and fell down on her face before him. She recognized him as the future king, and she spoke to him of the fact that his life was bound up in the bundle of life with God—a beautiful expression. She gave a soft answer, and it did turn away wrath. On the other hand, grievous words stir up anger—which certainly was true of the words of Nabal.1
1 McGee, J. V. (1991). Thru the Bible commentary: Poetry (Proverbs) (electronic ed., Vol. 20, p. 132). Thomas Nelson.
1 Samuel 25:23 KJV
And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground,
1 Samuel 25:32–33 KJV
And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me:
And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.
1 Kings 12:7 KJV
And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever.
Proverbs 14:3 KJV
In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: But the lips of the wise shall preserve them.
Proverbs 25:15 KJV
By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, And a soft tongue breaketh the bone.
Turns away translates the causative form of a verb meaning “to turn back.” The thought is that the anger of the first speaker can be set aside or calmed by a gentle response.1
1 Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (p. 328). United Bible Societies.
Wrath is anger or fury. cev says “A kind answer soothes angry feelings,” and spcl has “A friendly reply calms anger.” In some languages it may be necessary to expand this line to say, for example, “Reply to a person with gentle words and you will calm their anger.”1
1 Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (p. 328). United Bible Societies.
Harsh Words Excite Anger
Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
…But grievous words stir up anger.
Stirs up or “excites” contrasts with turns away in the first line. The verb refers to causing something to rise, in this case the angry emotions of the other speaker, as reb says: “but a sharp word makes tempers rise.” gecl translates this full saying “A reconciling answer cools down anger, but a hurtful word heats it up.” See also tev.1
1 Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (p. 328). United Bible Societies.
A Wise Tongue Uses Knowledge Correctly.
Proverbs 15:2 (KJV)
The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright…
The tongue of the wise dispenses knowledge: The Hebrew of this line, as the rsv footnote shows, has “makes knowledge good” in place of dispenses knowledge. However, hottp rates the text as “A” and interprets the line as “The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge.” The tongue of the wise refers to the speech or teaching given by the wise, as in tev. tev follows the recommendation of hottp with “make knowledge attractive.” We may also translate this line, for example, “The speech of the wise ones makes knowledge lovely,” “Knowledge is made beautiful in the words of wise people,” or “When a wise man talks, everybody is glad and wants to know more.”1
1 Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (p. 328). United Bible Societies.
A Foolish Mouth Gushes Foolishness
Proverbs 15:2 (KJV)
…But the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
Proverbs 14:17 KJV
He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: And a man of wicked devices is hated.
Psalm 10:4 KJV
The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.
Proverbs 1:7 KJV
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: But fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 1:22 KJV
How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? And the scorners delight in their scorning, And fools hate knowledge?
Fools are described in 1:7 and 1:22 as people who hate wisdom and instruction. Pour out renders a verb meaning to flow or bubble up in reference to water. In relation to speech it is used figuratively to mean “burst out with speech.” See tev “spout nonsense.” One translation renders this line as “but when a fool talks, he just throws empty words around1
1 Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (p. 328). United Bible Societies.
We rarely use the word “gushes” for something good, whether we are speaking of blood or emotion, and this is also true when we are talking about folly. The image compares speech to water or some other rushing liquid—too much spouting out too quickly, neither controlled nor contained. Knowledge, by contrast, is (lit.) “made good” by the tongue of the wise, perhaps by taking the time and effort to make it attractive; when it comes out, its product is worth keeping. It comes out in moderation, not excess, so that nothing is lost.1
1 Koptak, P. E. (2003). Proverbs (pp. 394–395). Zondervan.
So there it is more wisdom regarding winning a soul, or capturing a heart and mind. We will not do so by bombastic, insulting, intimidating, and bullying speech toward those who do not believe like we do. When faced with the fleshly wrath of a poor soul who has been deceived or stirred up by the forces of darkness, or angered because of mistakes we have made, do not play that game. Do not answer in kind. Continue on the path of Grace speech. Continue in the stream of unmerited favor and answer softly.
Exported from Logos Bible Software, 1:23 PM August 24, 2022.