A Lifetime of Learning

A Lifetime of Learning

Pastor Don Carpenter / General

Not From Around Here: The Complicated Life of a Sojourner / Marriage; Love; Prayer / 1 Peter 3:7

Guys, you’d better understand this. There’s a points system at work and the ladies are keeping score. Here’s a small sample just for your information:


  • You make the bed +1
  • You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows -1
  • You throw the bed spread over the rumpled sheets -1
  • You leave the toilet seat up -5
  • You replace the toilet paper roll when it’s empty 0
  • You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
  • You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s nothing 0
  • You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s something +5
  • You pummel it with a six iron +10
  • It turns out to be her father -10

A Night Out

  • You take her to a movie +2
  • You take her to a movie she likes +4
  • You take her to a movie you hate +6
  • You take her to a movie you like -2
  • It’s called Death Cop 3 -3
  • Which features sexy cyborgs -9
  • You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique

  • You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly & resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
  • You say, “I don’t care because you have one too” -800

The Big Question 

  • She asks, “Do I look fat?” -5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
  • You hesitate in responding -10
  • You reply, “Compared to what?” -35


  • When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
  • When she talks you listen for over 30 minutes +5
  • You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +15

Adapted from “The Points System,” c. 2000 John Boy and Billy Inc., http://thebigshow.com

Tonight we are going to talk about the role of the husband in marriage. I do not preach this because I think I have mastered the contents of this message. I will confess that all too often I fall miserably short of the lofty goals I will articulate tonight. I started learning my wife on October 3, 1987. I am still learning, sometimes re-learning… but the learning never stops.  

As we continue our study through 1 Peter we focus on how to behave as a sojourning couple. Wives can win their disobedient husbands through a meek and quiet spirit. Men, you can enhance your marriage and even your prayer life when you learn to study your wife. A pleasant marriage requires a lifetime of learning.

Dwell with your wives = spend focused time together

1 Peter 3:7 KJV

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 A. She is your companion, best friend, of your covenant.

 Malachi 2:14-16

 14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. 16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. 

 B. She should be the only one that satisfies you.

 Proverbs 5:15-19

 15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. 17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. 

  1. Do not look at others more than once.

  2. Do not get friendship from other women more than your wife.

  3. When you are young, establish a pattern of all consuming satisfaction with her.

  4. Be physically ravished with her.

According to Knowledge

1 Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 

 A. According to = after the manner of

 B. Knowledge = seeking to know, an enquiry and investigation

  1. Learn physical needs and desires.

  1 Corinthians 7:3-5

  3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 

  2. Learn emotional needs

  Ephesians 5:33 KJV

  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

   3. Learn spiritual needs

  Ephesians 5:25–28 KJV

  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Give Honor

1 Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 

 A. Give honor = place in great value, high price

Proverbs 18:22 KJV

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Proverbs 31:10 KJV

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

 B. Weaker vessel = fragile both physically and emotionally – treat her differently than you do your buddies at work.

 C. Heirs together = you are both living with eternity in view.

 D. Living like this will remove barriers to your prayers.

Colossians 3:19 KJV

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Matthew 5:23–24 KJV

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

One of the greatest statements of a husband’s love is when he protects his wife regardless of the cost to himself. Joseph’s story is the story of one such man.

When Chris Spielman played for the Buffalo Bills, he was everything a middle linebacker should be: tough, strong and smart, with passion, total commitment and loyalty to the game. He played the entire 1995 season with a torn pectoral muscle that he sustained in the season opener.

But the game took a distant second place in this thinking during the 1998 season. He chose to stay home. He cooked, took care of his kids, and cared for his wife Stephanie. Stephanie was struggling with cancer. Surgery, chemotherapy and nausea were Stephanie’s opponents. During her fight Chris was at her side; his actions supported his “family before job” credo.

When asked by a reporter if he’d consider a return to the Bills late in the season, Spielman said, “I’d play in a heartbeat, but what kind of man would I be if I backed out on my word to her? I wouldn’t be a man at all.”

Football fans saw Spielman as a man because of his aggressive, leave-it-all-on-the-field style of play. But what really makes him a man? It’s his personal sacrifice and unending commitment and loyalty to his wife.

Exported from Logos Bible Software, 11:43 AM July 8, 2020.

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